i’m with my student in the classroom..just a raw video, no editing.

How / What Sufferers Think

They have been bluffed by their thoughts and feelings of the moment into reacting the wrong way to them. They have not been painted into a corner that they cannot get out of. The truth is, it is bewilderment and fear of the state they are in that is [...]]]> Salam sejahtera.

How / What Sufferers Think

They have been bluffed by their thoughts and feelings of the moment into reacting the wrong way to them. They have not been painted into a corner that they cannot get out of. The truth is, it is bewilderment and fear of the state they are in that is keeping them in this state. There are three questions sufferers need to have answered:

“Why Am I Like This?”
“How Do I Recover?”
“How Do I Stay Recovered So That I Never Go Back Into That State Again?”

Click here for more information about the Freedom from Fear Recovery Program.

• Visibly shaking and nervousness – especially in situations that involve social interactions. • Heavy breathing and increase in heart beat rate and palpitations • Profuse sweating of the palms all over the body • Dizziness, nausea and a feeling of being disconnected with the world around • A feeling like you are having a heart attack • Lack of breath, choking and get thoughts [...]]]> Salam sejahtera.

• Visibly shaking and nervousness – especially in situations that involve social interactions.
• Heavy breathing and increase in heart beat rate and palpitations
• Profuse sweating of the palms all over the body
• Dizziness, nausea and a feeling of being disconnected with the world around
• A feeling like you are having a heart attack
• Lack of breath, choking and get thoughts of dying
• Intense feeling of fear and a need to avoid all social interactions possible (agoraphobia)
• Need to use the toilet too often
• Tiredness, lack of sleep and lack of concentration
• Feeling of losing control of your mind and thoughts racing

Well I guess its has been a long journey for me now although it seems all my worries were mixed up with these kind of trouble. I’m trapped and its very hard indeed to let loose. I tried to be as perfect as I can be but many times I failed to navigate myself [...]]]> Salam sejahtera.

Well I guess its has been a long journey for me now although it seems all my worries were mixed up with these kind of trouble. I’m trapped and its very hard indeed to let loose. I tried to be as perfect as I can be but many times I failed to navigate myself out. I hate this happening to me but I don’t have any other options. I realized in many ways that I should managed myself according to the rules but often I missed the real fact that I’m not incapable of finishing the task given to me perfectly.

I wanted to act normal as many as I could in many situations as if I’m in controlled but then again, things end up not the way they should. Oh well, I’ve to accept it or otherwise it will be the worst ‘flight’ ever!

I wonder why God put me to the test. Maybe because I’m one of those in millions that has a special gift. Am I gifted? I don’t think so. I’m not a talented person and almost what I do never finished. Sometimes and most of the times I end up miserable. So to speak, I’m trapped!

God, help me and forgive me….

Here is the simulation video. Please be aware that this is disturbing. It’s going to creep you out and you won’t be able to get it out of your head, but it’s just a taste of what this disease does to people and at least YOU can stop it at any time…

Please turn your [...]]]> Salam sejahtera.

Here is the simulation video. Please be aware that this is disturbing. It’s going to creep you out and you won’t be able to get it out of your head, but it’s just a taste of what this disease does to people and at least YOU can stop it at any time…

Please turn your volume up so you can hear the whispering in the background

originally from HERE

a. susah tidur b. sakit di kepala, seperti pusing-pusing pada waktu tertentu secara berkala c. was was, gelisah, cepat marah, cepat sedih, d. sesak nafas e. ketindihan di waktu tidur, mimpi buruk. f. tubuh lemah dan lemas, g. rasa minder yang berlebihan dan cenderung menyendiri h. semua penyakit pada bahagian tertentu dari tubuh yang sudah diubati dalam waktu lama, tapi tidak [...]]]> Salam sejahtera.

a. susah tidur
b. sakit di kepala, seperti pusing-pusing pada waktu tertentu secara berkala
c. was was, gelisah, cepat marah, cepat sedih,
d. sesak nafas
e. ketindihan di waktu tidur, mimpi buruk.
f. tubuh lemah dan lemas,
g. rasa minder yang berlebihan dan cenderung menyendiri
h. semua penyakit pada bahagian tertentu dari tubuh yang sudah diubati dalam waktu lama, tapi tidak kunjung sembuh.
i. Enggan melakukan ibadah dan zikir.

semua tanda tu ada pada saya kunu…..

Gambar Syaitan di Gua Hiraq

Jin Palsu la pulok

Panic Disorder

This disorder is marked by the presence of repeated panic attacks: sudden feelings of terror that appear with physical symptoms like rapid heartbeat, sweating, palpitations, shortness of breath as if suffocating, dizzy or light-headedness, numbness or tingling in the extremities, nausea, and visual distortions.

Get rid of the panic attack now Click Here! [...]]]> Salam sejahtera.

Panic Disorder

This disorder is marked by the presence of repeated panic attacks: sudden feelings of terror that appear with physical symptoms like rapid heartbeat, sweating, palpitations, shortness of breath as if suffocating, dizzy or light-headedness, numbness or tingling in the extremities, nausea, and visual distortions.

Get rid of the panic attack now Click Here!

During these attacks sufferers often fear they will have a heart attack, faint, lose control, go crazy, or even die. The attacks begin to subside within 10 minutes but anxiety usually persists longer.

Some of the attacks appear “out of the blue” which leads to a generalized fear of more attacks, but some situations may reliably trigger the attacks.

Over time, people often begin to avoid the situations where they have experienced previous attacks. This can develop into Agoraphobia, an avoidance of situations from which escape may be difficult.

As this disorder grows it can become severely disabling often limiting people’s abilities to travel or even leave their homes.

Click Here! to get rid of the panic attack

The good news is that panic disorder is highly treatable. With medications, cognitive behavioral therapy, or both, the sufferer is soon on the way to recovery.

Remember you are never alone.

Free yourself from panic attack once and for all Click Here!

NEW AGE REBELLION – ANARCHY INTOXICATED WITH INJUSTICE OF LAW SNEAKING LIFES – MENTAL DECAY PRACTICISE SUBVERSIVE DIRTY NEEDS NO ACTS OF GRACE – STAND UP AND FIGHT YOU ARE THEIR SLAVE BUT NEVER QUESTIONED WHY BORN ON YOUR KNEES – DON’T GIVE A SHIT YOU ARE REMOTE CONTROLLED BUT WHO IS TO BLAME

FUCK THE POLICE

BLAZE OF ANGER – DEAF AND [...]]]> Salam sejahtera.

NEW AGE REBELLION – ANARCHY
INTOXICATED WITH INJUSTICE OF LAW
SNEAKING LIFES – MENTAL DECAY
PRACTICISE SUBVERSIVE DIRTY NEEDS
NO ACTS OF GRACE – STAND UP AND FIGHT
YOU ARE THEIR SLAVE BUT NEVER QUESTIONED WHY
BORN ON YOUR KNEES – DON’T GIVE A SHIT
YOU ARE REMOTE CONTROLLED BUT WHO IS TO BLAME

FUCK THE POLICE

BLAZE OF ANGER – DEAF AND BLIND
THE ENEMY THAT OVERSHADOWS US ALL
OUT OF CONTROL – DISROOTED MINDS
THE FINAL JUDGEMENT AND THE FINAL DAY WILL COME
TOO MUCH PRESSURE – TO MUCH POWER
UNTIL THE POINT OF NO RETURN
INTERWAR PERIOD – MARTIAL GAMES
TO FIND OUT WHAT THEY TRY TO IGNORE

ETERNAL LIES – VISIONS OF CHANGE
WHEN THE DREAMS OF FREEDOM AWAKE
METHODS OF GREED – BLEEDING HEARTS
AN EASY TARGET FOR THE ONE WITH THE GUN
EMPTY PROMISES – BETTER LEFT UNSAID
ILLUSIONS SHATTERED BY MENDACITY AND HATE
SUPREMACY – HUNGRY TO KILL
NO MORE EFFECTUAL FERVENT SUPPLICATION

If You, a Loved One, or a Client is suffering from Mental Illness, Schizophrenia, Bi-Polar, Depression, or Demonic Possession please “read this whole page” it will teach you how to defend your life and mental sanity, by recognizing techniques that are being used against the victim by invisible demonic schizoid entities.

My life is a like a shit but i’m eating that SHIT alone!

God had already made me as a human since long time ago, i’m not a dog, nor not a centipede or maybe just a lonely stone at a remote area river somewhere in this world. Before my mother had given birth to [...]]]> Salam sejahtera.

My life is a like a shit but i’m eating that SHIT alone!

God had already made me as a human since long time ago, i’m not a dog, nor not a centipede or maybe just a lonely stone at a remote area river somewhere in this world. Before my mother had given birth to me or lets get back 40 years from now, she’s not yet getting married or maybe since she was a little girl she was so happy with her elder sister (died on the age of 6, unknown disease) rather than his elder brother. God has already put my destiny to this world with so many ‘test an task’ and sometimes i’m totally bored with it and after i was born from my mother ‘front door’, i cried so loud, everybody was laughing at the same time. They laughed because their happy and several maybe laughing because the’re some old bitch hypocrite!

Now, i’m here at the age of 38 on this coming October (i don’t know whether i’m going to live longer enough to reached until that month, but hopely i’ll make it, because i’ve many things to accomplish and to achieved in this short coming life). For those who’d want to die early because you’re are so damn fool, just do it if that can make you feel ‘better’, i’m sure you’ll make a very special seat in the hell! Go for it bitch! But if you continue with you life and fight all your problem.. then i saluted you as a warrior of yourself! Hope you’ll win the ‘battle’.

Three options. One; is to become a monkey, who sits and sometimes move around from one tree to another tree to get foods for their stomach and maybe for their young ones in need. A responsible monkey that indeed! An old leader of a monkey summon all monkeys in their group to gather around to make FIRE!

Two; is to become a dog, arf arf arf, ah no

Three; man with full of debits….

to be not continue….

It has been nearly a month now my schizo came to me and now i am trying to be what i want to be. Yes, if i say i am sick, i gonna be sick but that’s not going to happen.. as i typed these words to be a sentences ain’t easy.. it’ll be [...]]]> Salam sejahtera.

It has been nearly a month now my schizo came to me and now i am trying to be what i want to be. Yes, if i say i am sick, i gonna be sick but that’s not going to happen.. as i typed these words to be a sentences ain’t easy.. it’ll be sentences anyway.

“Man becomes what he thinks about”

Although coping with schizo isn’t easy, but like attract like and i must find a way to send my own frequencies to the universe and ask for what i really want. I go for it! I want to ask, believe and receiving like i do already have it! And there’s a lot more to ASK!

Here’s the lyrics

Such a lonely day And it’s mine The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day Should be banned It’s a day that I can’t stand

The most loneliest day of my life The most loneliest day of my [...]]]> Salam sejahtera.

Here’s the lyrics

Such a lonely day
And it’s mine
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It’s a day that I can’t stand

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Shouldn’t exist
It’s a day that I’ll never miss

Such a lonely day
And it’s mine
The most loneliest day of my life

And if you go,
I wanna go with you
And if you die,
I wanna die with you
Take your hand and walk away

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
And it’s mine
It’s a day that I’m glad I survived

—@@@@@@—

I’m lonely and trap in my own world since i got schizo and ADD. But i’m fighting!

Many “historical diagnoses” are frequently not entirely certain — a “good guess” for schizophrenia includes Mary Todd Lincoln, wife of President Abraham Lincoln. Following is a list of famous people [...]]]> Salam sejahtera.

Many “historical diagnoses” are frequently not entirely certain — a “good guess” for schizophrenia includes Mary Todd Lincoln, wife of President Abraham Lincoln. Following is a list of famous people who have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, or are highly suspected of suffering (or who had suffered) from schizophrenia.

• Tom Harrell, Jazz Musician
• Meera Popkin, Broadway Star
• John Nash – Mathematician/Nobel Prize Winner
• Albert Einstein’s son – Eduard Einstein
• Dr. James Watson’s son (Dr. Watson is co-discover of DNA and Nobel Prize winner)
• Alan Alda’s Mother (Alan Alda is the famous TV actor from the series MASH)
• Andy Goram - Scottish Soccer Player/Goal Keeper
• Lionel Aldridge – Superbowl-winning Football Player
• Peter Green, Guitarist for the band Fleetwood Mac
• Syd Barrett of the band Pink Floyd
• Alexander “Skip” Spence and Bob Mosley – both members of the 1960′s rock group Moby Grape (and Jefferson Airplane for Skip Spence)
• Roger Kynard “Roky” Erickson, of the Austin-based 1960′s group TheThirteenth Floor Elevators
• Joe Meek - 1960′s British record producer
• James Beck Gordon (Jim Gordon) – James Gordon had been, quite simply, one of the greatest drummers of his time
• Charles “Buddy” Bolden – Jazz Musician
• Antoin Artaud – Dramatist, Artist
• Mary Todd Lincoln, wife of Abraham Lincoln (past-President of the United States)
• Vaclav Nijinsky, Famous Russian Dancer
• Jack Kerouac, Author, was diagnosed with Schizophrenia
• Tennessee Williams sister Rose Williams had schizophenia
  (source:Tennessee WilliamsNotebooks,Edited by Margaret Bradham Thornton,Yale University Press, 2007)

—@@@@@@—

Not Famous people with schizophrenia

• Mohd Sham Saiman
• ?

I’m trapped now but not forever!

Remembering the past time when i was in form five in 1987. I’ve joined a camping trip to Papar and it was a Army Cadet Club from my secondary school. I was so happy at last because during a school session our teacher adviser for the club arrange a camping trip for 3 days [...]]]> Salam sejahtera.

Remembering the past time when i was in form five in 1987. I’ve joined a camping trip to Papar and it was a Army Cadet Club from my secondary school. I was so happy at last because during a school session our teacher adviser for the club arrange a camping trip for 3 days and 3 night. Honestly, i’ve never been in a camping trip before in my life, so that’s why i’m so excited. Well ya know, you can see a lot of things, the things you couldn’t see when you’re at home. Every teenager would like camping with their friend indeed.

After making several preparations for the camping trip, i’ve noticed something strange and it’s like there’s ‘someone’ with soft whispering voice told me that i’m going to experience ‘something’, and for a while, i didn’t care about it until the following day. The thought are getting stronger and i can feel a slight different in my sight (it’s not getting blurr or whatever.. and i’m sorry i can’t explained it to you), it’s not an ordinary normal day like i used to feel but i didn’t felt afraid. Oh no… am i going to cancel this exciting trip or ah i said.. just do it boy! What are you afraid of!?

We go to our destinations by train and it’s my first time ever being in an ‘old’ train before. It so exciting with all the friend laughing and so forth.. hehehe and that moment in slow motions, i started to feel very tired. I don’t know why but i thought it’s due to lack of sleep a few days before the trip. After we reached to our destinations in Papar train station, i was so tired even the train trip just lasted only 2 and a half hours only. My other friends were so excited they go out with their cadet uniforms to the Papar town area to bought some food and stuff. I was totally tired and i didn’t joined them, even though i wanted to. All of the sudden i started to feel different. It was like i was in a dream. The sound of the people walking and talking around the train station was like an echoing sound.. everything seems to be in a slow motion movement but i went to sleep because i thought maybe i’m tired, so a nap would clear it up. After an hour sleep.. then at that moment, i started to feel afraid because the same thing happened again, i’m ‘lost’ and i kept telling myself that i’m on a trip to a camping trip in Papar (located about 70km from my home) with my army cadet clubs (i’m sweating as well)… oh no, what am i going to do now. Do i have to take the train trip back and go home or…

When i mention this problem of mine to my so called ‘sergeant’.. he replied to me angrily and said.. “yeah you’d better packed your things and head back home, you chicken bone head”. So the options he gave was very unsatisfied, i’m so dissappointed.. and i just carry on with the trip. My frustrations lead to more tiredness!

W’all packed all of our camping equipments and things we brought ourself for personal use to the camping location by foot. We walked almost 3 and a half hours to get there. Fuck.. i thought we’re all going to take a trip there by a pick up truck. Imagined at 1.30pm with 35 degree celcius of hot and humid air a long side of the road walking to the exact location. To me only.. i felt so dog tired compared to others, they thought the’re strong and young and an army is to be like these. I’m not sure it’s FUN though! I can’t join the FUN!

….to be continue

—@@@@@@—
Cake – Frank Sinatra

Enjoy the song!

When i was in form three at SM La Salle Tanjung Aru Kota Kinabalu, i can still remember the last period in my classroom when suddenly i’m in a ‘strange place’.. i kept asking myself “where am i” several times. I felt so confused and i looked around the classroom, there’s several other students [...]]]> Salam sejahtera.

When i was in form three at SM La Salle Tanjung Aru Kota Kinabalu, i can still remember the last period in my classroom when suddenly i’m in a ‘strange place’.. i kept asking myself “where am i” several times. I felt so confused and i looked around the classroom, there’s several other students listening the teacher while i’m confused and started to feel afraid.

Why am i afraid, i’m sure you know why. Because i felt that all the sudden i’m feeling not as i was before 15 minutes ago.

The ‘strange’ feeling last about 30 minutes and after that.. when i got home, i felt sick and i’m absent from school almost 2 weeks. During that time there was a political conflict in Sabah. And worst to come is it’s nearly a ‘war’ between two different religions. I don’t want to write it down here in details because i don’t want to remember it. I hate it!

So.. the whole two weeks was so hard for me because i’m entering a ‘new strange world’. People who had been there know what i mean. It’s very hard to explain exactly in words what i’ve felt. It lasted two weeks only and after that, i’ve experienced it over and over every year, especially nearly end of each year. Imagined what kind of an experienced that be. I hate it!

… to be continue

Tags: amnesia, fear, mysterious

These are the sample of long lasting love. They die together as one. Wow.. but do we managed to live together and die together. I don’t think so, unless it’s like the Titanic stories. An old couple die together in the same bed. As the times goes by, we prayed that we can live [...]]]> Salam sejahtera.

These are the sample of long lasting love. They die together as one. Wow.. but do we managed to live together and die together. I don’t think so, unless it’s like the Titanic stories. An old couple die together in the same bed. As the times goes by, we prayed that we can live and die in peace. As a human beings.. these are our last destination on earth! Don’t waste every second in your life to love and to be loved by your family, friend and yourself. Be kind!

We sometimes come to an end of feelings that we called boredom.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Boredom (Causes, Practical effects & Philosophy) is when someone perceives one’s environment as dull, tedious, and lacking stimuli. Someone is really bored during class and wishes to be somewhere else. Then they walk out of the room. prevent [...]]]> Salam sejahtera.

We sometimes come to an end of feelings that we called boredom.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Boredom (Causes, Practical effects & Philosophy) is when someone perceives one’s environment as dull, tedious, and lacking stimuli. Someone is really bored during class and wishes to be somewhere else. Then they walk out of the room. prevent or remedy it, yet in many circumstances it is accepted as an inevitable suffering to be endured. A common way to escape boredom is through creative thoughts or daydreaming.

The first record of the word boredom is in the novel Bleak House, by Charles Dickens, written in 1852,^[1] although the expression to be a bore had been used in the sense of “to be tiresome or dull” since 1768.^[2]

Time often seems to move more slowly to someone who experiences boredom; this results from the way in which the human mind measures the passage of time, combined with the infrequency of events perceived as notable.

Time often seems to move more slowly to someone who experiences boredom; this results from the way in which the human mind measures the passage of time, combined with the infrequency of events perceived as notable.

Boredom
…pasted source

Boredom is a state of malaise, close to anxiety, characterized by a feeling of emptiness. Its origin is attributed to objects that the subject claims are boring, in other words, odious (inodiosus) in the etymological sense of the word.

Boredom (languor, neurasthenia) was one of the dark humors of ancient medicine (boredom was associated with the spleen, and melancholy, with the liver). It became the ailment of the era during the Romantic period, as typified by Françpois-René de Chateau-briand in René and The Genius of Christianity (part 2, book 3).

Sigmund Freud did not see boredom as a specific symptom. He noted that the idleness of young women created a state of reverie dissociated from reality and susceptible to hysteria (1895d). But he saw their lassitude as normal, since other objects cannot occupy the place of the primitive lost object, the penis (1910h). Sándor Ferenczi in “Névrose du dimanche” (1919/1974) saw a link between the development of anxiety and the absence of exterior censure associated with a need to work.

With the introduction of the notion of the withdrawal of libidinal cathexis, psychoanalysis provided significant insight into the concept of boredom. Without libidinal cathexis, one loses drive and an ability to make demands, except for a need for a change associated with a miraculous arrival of an object that would again give life to one’s activities. This feeling of a loss of interest in things is, in fact, a loss of libido. Otto Fenichel assimilated boredom with a type of depersonalization in which the subject feels that he must do something but does not know what. Heinz Kohut pointed out the link between the analyst’s boredom and the feeling of exclusion that the patient provokes in him by withdrawing emotionally. Ralph Greenson saw boredom as a defense against fantasy activity or as a result of one’s unconscious perception of one’s resistance.

The analysis of boredom reveals a kind of phobicobsessional fluctuation between withdrawal of libidinal cathexis and ardent desire driving impulsive acts that provide an outlet (Mijolla-Mellor, 1985). As with inhibition, boredom is not simply a lack of movement but a pointless stagnation, to which is added an enduring hatred of time. It is a defense against a phobic anxiety over a primary, but undifferentiated, investment in objects.

—–@@@@@@———

Guys n Gals.. If i’m so bored, i try to go to sleep, if can’t sleep, i read a book or e-book, if i’m bored of reading, i go out fishing, if that wont do, i’ll watched a DVD movie, i try to go so sleep again, if can’t make it, i take my sleeping pills, and yes i slept with a lot of dreaming, but woke up again and the bored time comes again.. I’m trapped!

Tags: boredom, boring

….dying words of famous people. What would you’d say that be your last word yourself!!